Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
