my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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