I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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