Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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