Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
honey bunches of taint.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
