lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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