Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fuck me I smell like cheese
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
