Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
