Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need to calm my uterus...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I love you.
Bad choice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
