Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I cockslap morals
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
