UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
