My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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