How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
