Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize