i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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