I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
