No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
