He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
