maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
