You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
