I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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