I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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