Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize