Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
