Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
