I just saw a hot homeless man
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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