My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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