No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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