i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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