Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
