i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
