Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
