found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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