Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I could make wine with my vomit
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
