in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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