do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize