I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
