when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
