He is such a slut. More and more my type.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
