Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
