I want to have your abortion
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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