dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
