pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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