is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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