he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
