She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
