Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize