dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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