i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
