Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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