Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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