So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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