I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Even my vagina gasped.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
