Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
