I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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