I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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