Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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