She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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