He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
