I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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