Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I haven't been this sober since birth.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
